pulling a sicky/demise of the rucksack

Trying to remember what I was going to say about all of this because I put the title into drafts a while ago on the premise that it would trigger my thoughts on all this.

 So, pulling a sicky. Well, a few weeks ago I came over all fluey. It turned out to be something pretty unpleasant which I won't go into except to say that it has left me with something incurable but not life-threatening. I just have to learn to live with it. Like I sooo needed something else to think about. groan. What it taught me was that even though it feels like I do very little due to low energy levels, when I was brought really low and couldn't do more than try and keep the essentials, like washing, under control, I had to concentrate on getting well and not overtaxing my system. It also meant that I was able to focus on just being with the kids. One day while recovering I decided I wanted to do a jigsaw and the only one I could find was one of the kids' ones. So I hiked it out and sat at the kitchen table. Littlest sidled up and wanted to join in. What followed was a wonderful hour of closeness and chat. After a while she said to me 'I'm so glad we did this together Mum, I had a lot of fun'. Result! So the next day I decided to do some painting, nothing special, just watercolour block paints and a colouring book. Both girls joined me at the table and again a lot of fun was had. Must remember to do that sort of thing more often and kind of lead by example. It's not just about what they want to do, it can involve my wants too. I get so busy trying to keep the house under control that I forget that the house can keep itself sometimes.

 The rucksack seems to be redundant now. I used to carry it everywhere and it contained everything you could ever possibly need for trips out. Nappies, wipes, small toys, spare knickers, plasters, the list is endless. I was very glad of it, often. Something in there would come in handy for entertaining fractious little ones. Now I get to carry a handbag, remember those? Small, neat, just big enough for bare esentials like purse, mobile and headache pills. I can still stuff interesting finds in there, like info on cool places to go, but oh, the lightness, the freedom. The loss of the rucksack symbolises how far the kids have come and how far away from me they are prepared to venture. Now they have rucksacks of their own if they feel they need/want one. They carry their own treasure and precious things and have their own space to add what they think is important.