Darkest hour?
I'm sitting here feeling very strange. I feel like I should be posting on here, as though someone is looking over my shoulder, in a school-like way, and compelling me to 'finish my work'. It's not as though I have nothing to say, it's just that none of it is very positive. Why on earth would anyone want to read about how cr*p last week was for me?
In both my personal and home ed lives (which are linked of course) I've had a horrible time, probably the worst week to date on our home ed journey ,losing sleep, arguing with people in my head, getting upset, barely functioning some days, which adds to the amount of beating myself up that is an inevitable consequence of all the above.
I'm hoping that once I've got a bit further away from the personal and home ed problems I might be able to look back with a little more understanding and clarity. For now it just all seems really bleak. So bleak that I even wondered whether it wouldn't be easier all round if I just accepted defeat and put the kids in school. I wonder if it's just me or whether others out there are feeling similarly burnt out and hopeless. According to Daddy Bear it's called battle fatigue. He said this whilst gently wiping my despairing tears away.
There have been positives in the form of lovely chats with caring and compassionate friends, who have been really supportive on my blackest days, and the bolstering of my fragile confidence by the continually amazing efforts of 'proper' bloggers, (ones with important stuff to say) and fighters for our home ed freedom.
I just hope that this is a case of the darkest hour being just before the dawn. I'll keep you posted on that one.
3 comments:
you aren't alone angel (((((((((Liz)))))))))
the exact same is happening in a parallel universe down here !!
and what would happen if we did that I wonder ? because i've been wondering it too.
I guess I just keep hoping the kids will look back and be pleased for their home edding past . . . I dread hearing "If only you hadn't home edded me!" but that's on my bleakest days, other times can be fab . . . . .
you yourself tell me whichever we choose to do do there are no guarantees . . . .
pps lovely AJay cat , long haired one with big paws, got run over and made his début as an angel yesterday . . . . the world can be so cruel , but the lows create the highs xxxx
ps I wore patricks socks today
Big hugs, Liz. Sorry to hear you're feeling so swamped. The feeling of powerlessness in the face of the bureaucrats is one thing, but it's rotten if you're dealing with personal issues at the same time. I really hope you can bounce back with a vengeance because you may not see it at the moment, but to the rest of us it's obvious that you're great.
J xx
PS Also sorry to hear about the cat, Dawn.
The darkest hour is just before dawn? And right on cue here comes Dawn to cheer me up! Thanks for that Pet.So sorry to hear about Ajay. ((((hugs)))) As to putting kids back in school,I'm just so sick of the thought of all the hoops we'll be expected to jump through if all this nonsense goes through. They've forgotten whose kids they are!!!
Thanks Jude, I'm actually blushing, with a tear in my eye. You know the concept of the 'good enough mum'? Well I feel like 'barely adequate mum' some days (sounds like some kind of super anti-hero!). This whole process right from the start of the year, and what a waste of a year it has been, has meant nothing but trauma, despair,
frustration, stress and strains put on relationships all round. I'm just so ANGRY about all this. Could you tell?;-)
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